How to Start Developing Self-Confidence

“Don’t wait until everything is just right. It will never be perfect. There will always be challenges, obstacles and less than perfect conditions. So what. Get started now. With each step you take, you will grow stronger and stronger, more and more skilled, more and more self-confident and more and more successful.” — Mark Victor Hansen

A weary little bird landed on a branch of a tree to rest. The bird began to admire the magnificent view of the mountain valley from its vantage point. The branch of the tree became the favourite spot for the little bird to perch on every morning. One day, strong winds began blowing suddenly and the branch on which the bird was resting, started swaying violently as if it were going to break into two pieces.

The little bird, however, was confident in its thought that even if the branch broke, it could rely upon its two strong wings to fly whenever it wanted to fly. Besides, there were many other stronger branches of the tree that could offer safer options for the bird to rest on.

When we begin to analyse this short story, we realise that it speaks volumes about our own self-confidence and guts. If we understand that we are proficient in other areas too, we can let go of our grasp on one physical composition that keeps us confined to the ground. We then begin to realise just how capable we are to fly with our own power.

There are branches that may provide safe refuge in the jungle of our own lives, and there are at times necessary to rest and recoup ourselves. We should, at the same time, also equip ourselves to move on as these refuges and shelters are temporary in nature. The only thing permanent is our belief and self-confidence in our own distinctive skills, abilities and talents. This self-esteem and faith in ourselves can take us to places.

If we want to succeed in life we must be confident in whatever we are doing. And to be able to do this, we should follow certain guidelines as enumerated below.

1. Practise affirmative self-talk

One of the commonest ways to nourish self-esteem is to say positive affirmations on a daily basis, “I am going to be a great success”. These affirmations are popular, especially among those who have reasonably high levels of self-esteem. People with low self-esteem may find it a little annoyingly unbelievable hence in their cases the positive affirmation may be a little bit tweaked to “I will continue to persevere to be successful “.

2. Find out your niche and develop them further

We build up our self-esteem when we discover our niche and develop them further. In this way, our confidence level grows when we demonstrate our ability to do things differently and gradually develop them as a business or a career option.

3. Accept compliments

It is absolutely fine to accept compliments for something you have learnt and are good at it. It is a good idea to give a smiling response “Thank you for your compliment” or simply “thank you” when offered a compliment. Gradually, we will turn to live happier and more confident lives if we know how to accept compliments.

4. Replace self-criticism with self-compassion

When low self-esteem is never a wise thing to self-criticize in any given scenario. When we are aiming to enhance our confidence, we should be replacing self-criticism with self-compassion even when things go wrong. Just as we treat our friend with compassionate words when things are not going in his favour, similarly we may treat ourselves with self empathy and compassion when we find ourselves in vulnerable situations.

5. Speak highly to yourself

Expecting that others will always speak highly of you could be a mental ambush. Hence instead of others approving of you, you should approve of yourself and come out with the words of support you always wanted to hear from others. Hence speak to yourself with empathy, support and gentleness. Remember that the relationship that you nurture with yourself is the closest and most important one and you should make it a really good one.

6. Affirm your real net worth

When faced with rejections or other low points in life, make a list of qualities that you have that make you a special person. Make a list of inherent features that you possess that will see you through sticky or tough situations. For example, if you have been denied a promotion, you may draw a list of qualities, such you being sincere, hardworking, knowledgeable etc, that you may possess.

7. Appear more confident in your tone, your body language and knowledge of the subject

The way a person speaks and how he speaks will show his confidence level to his listener. Showing yourself as a confident person will have positive feedback from the listener, that will encourage you to succeed in whatever you are attempting, while also believing in yourself. While sitting upright straight with our heads up and looking straight into the eyes and having palms open towards the audience, will show traits of a confident person who is open to ideas.

8. Rebuilding confidence in the workplace

Especially after the pandemic when people come back to the office from their “Work from the Home schedule, they may find their voices lost in board meetings or in presentations due to a lack of confidence. In this case, it is best advised that you should make a SWOT analysis (Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities, and Threats) of what is your strength and weaknesses. That area that needs further attention should be given due care. We should never let ourselves believe that since we are lacking in some area, showing us an inferior light by others in office is justified.

9. Acquire Good Habits

Acquiring good and sustainable habits helps in building self-confidence. We may start with building simple yet effective habits such as raising early and going for morning walks. Regular exercise and taking healthy diet should also be part of the daily routine. Taking adequate 8 hours of sleep can also boost our physical and mental well-being. We should also work towards building our personal brand that reflects our positive feedback and helps build our self-confidence.

10. Review your past performance

Your past performance should be a good indicator to show how you have done well in challenging times. Based on the SWOT analysis you can identify your strong areas and where there is evidence to show you have done well. List out and note down your 10 most important areas where you are strong and use them in your daily positive affirmations. These positive affirmations came in handy and are effective in dealing with your negative thoughts.

11. Set Confidence-Boosting Goals

To start with set up small achievable goals and keep monitoring from time to time how much success you have achieved. This is the best way to monitor your success and in the process build up self-confidence. While setting up goals for yourself take the help of SWOT analysis and take into account your strengths while setting up the goal for yourself.

Hence cultivating good habits, taking inspiration from past achievements, and setting yourself targeted small, achievable goals will definitively enhance your self-esteem and self-confidence.

The S.M.A.R.T goal system (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-Bound) offers a scientific goal measuring technique wherein goals are specific, measurable, attainable, relevant and time-bound. When we practice S.M.A.R.T, it leads to greater and consistent achievement of goals. Penning down a personal mission statement is another great way to give directions toward achieving goals set for life.

12. Stop comparing with others

Surveys have revealed that if we compare ourselves with others, while feeling envy, we feel much worse about ourselves. In such a scenario we feel quite low about ourselves. Hence, whether it is comparing our salary or our looks with others, if we envy others then we would definitely have a low opinion of ourselves. Hence instead of becoming envious, we should remind ourselves about all that we are strong on and about all the positives and about our achievements. We should remind ourselves that there is no point in comparison and that everyone is running his/her own race and there is no competition among us.

13. Keep in the company of people with a positive mindset

You should be in the company of such friends who have a positive mindset and who are willing to accept you the way you are. Your friends should be able to give you positive feedback about you, should be able to lift your spirits when you are low on confidence and should not judge you on your shortcomings. Your friends with whom you spend most of your time are a great avenue of confidence boosters and how we feel about our challenges and our goals. If after meeting a friend we become even more despondent and miserable it is time to distance ourselves from such a friend. Hence, we should have such friends who want the best for us.

13. Take good care of your body

You cannot expect to feel good and confident about yourself if you do not eat nutritious food. On the other hand, if we practise self-care, it will do good for our body, spirit and mind thereby feeling more confident. Taking a nutritious diet has many distinct advantages. It boosts our self-confidence as well. When our body is fed with a wholesome and nourishing diet, we feel healthier and stronger thereby feeling more energised and confident.

Studies have shown that when we do regular exercise we feel healthier and better and even more confident. Regular exercises help in the improvement of one’s body image, thereby increasing the confidence level. Regular exercise has a powerful impact on confidence. It increases the feel-good factor and our happiness quotient.

15. Practise Mindfulness:-

In order to strengthen your inner self, practise meditation and mindfulness for at least 40 minutes by closing your eyes and becoming keenly aware of your surroundings. Mindfulness can be practised just anywhere and anytime. While practising mindfulness become aware of your surroundings, observe your breath flowing in and out of the nostrils, listen to the surrounding sounds, and feel your body parts and their sensations i.e. feel your body including your ankle, legs, abdomen, hands, chest, face, belly, neck and head etc.

Finally, go beyond these simple feelings of your surroundings and feel the quiet, or the noise and the energy level that surround you. Concentrate, feel and be aware of your breathing going in and out through your nostrils, feel your eyes, ears, cheeks, chin and the tip of your nostrils. Listen attentively to all the sounds around you and the sensation around your body. Be aware of your present self. You might also feel a sense of smell and taste as you practise mindfulness. As you start feeling the energy around you after feeling these simple senses, you will start to feel your presence in totality. When we practise meditation we remove toxic cluttering thoughts that have a negative bearing on our confidence level.

16. Practise self-empathy

One should recognise that falling or failing is part of the life cycle. You should treat yourself with empathy and compassion when you do not do well or at times fail to achieve your goal or objective. If you treat yourself with compassion you are more likely to be self-confident and have high self-esteem. Thus having a flexible emotional approach in times of failures or adversities will see as a mature and confident person. This approach will help you in navigating the trying times when you understand that falling short of expectations is perfectly and naturally part of the life cycle.

17. Face your fears head-on

There is no point in delaying and postponing something you fear most such as asking for a date or applying for a promotion. The best way to boost your confidence is to face your fears head-on. Instead of putting things off on one pretext or another tell yourself to try meeting the challenge and see the outcome as a part of a social experiment. Tell yourself that you are likely to learn from your mistakes and any small gain in attempting to achieve the goal is to be viewed as an achievement. This becomes a source of confidence-building measure as we approach our final goal in small steps, one at a time.

18. Come out of the comfort zone

We always feel that all others are more beautiful, creative, successful, popular, talented, richer, and knowledgeable than us. What we do not visualise is that all so-called successful men and women have had their cycles of ups and down. They also had their share of failures and disappointments. They may be good at something but they may be novices at something else. Everybody does not know everything.

Allow yourself to feel like a beginner. Come out of your comfort zone and enter new areas where you have to master the craft from the very beginning. When you take the risk of venturing into new frontiers, willing to make mistakes, yet expanding the limits of your comfort zone, and gradually start to feel success albeit, in small measure, there is an increase in your confidence level.

19. Help others and seek help from others

Fear of rejection prevents us at times to seek help from others. Placing too much importance on being self-reliant also comes as a blockage from seeking help from others. Besides we, at times, also do not realize that helping others results in profound satisfaction leading to general happiness and a state of well-being in us. There is a direct link between giving, self-sacrifice and happiness. We feel happy when we do good for our family, community and society. Hence, by actively seeking help and providing help and by collective collaboration, we can achieve results that are simply not achievable by practising it alone.

20. Confidence building is a continuous process

Confidence building within ourselves is a continuous process. As protective parents and teachers, we try to build up the confidence level and self-esteem of a child right from his early stage. We let our children experience failures and face adversity as it comes along and the child learns from his own experiences and mistakes. Even a fully confident person at times needs to draw up self-confidence from their reserves at times while negotiating adverse circumstances. It is only when we are able to identify the resources of confidence building, we can sustain it continuously within ourselves.

You may also check out my two new books by clicking these links:-

(1) Ten Ways to Master Public Speaking And Effective Communication

(2) How to Think Ten X

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